Loyal: To The End
by fethre
Summary: I'm seventeen, and now I'm staring death in the face.   I'm afraid, just like I said I always wouldn't be.   I want to run, but I wouldn't dare.   Takes place during Battle of Hogwarts


**A/N: It's my first try at a one-shot! Go easy on me, I know it's not the best.  
><strong>

I've always thought I'd face death proudly.  
>I'd leave this world not the least bit afraid of what was next.<br>I wanted to believe that I would; but I'm no Gryffindor. I'm brave, yes, but the prospect of just _not being _is enough to stir anyone's worst fears.

I remember when I was in my fourth year; Lulu and I were sitting on her bed in our dorm.  
>Lulu turned to me, her face grave and serious.<br>_"Are you afraid of dying, Marilena?"_

I had answered "no" quickly, barely giving the question any thought.  
>I thought I'd have many more years to live, many more years to think about that question.<p>

Maybe when I was a wrinkly, graying woman dying in my bed, I'd know if I was afraid or not.  
>Had I known I would have only three more years to live, I would have answered better.<br>Considered it, though what would be the point now?

_I'm going to die here.  
><em>The thought comes to me suddenly, pushing everything in my brain to the side.  
><em>I'm going to die today.<br>_And I'd be just one of how many people?

All around me, there is death.  
>I can smell it thick in the air, hear it echoing through my ears in the form of hexes and crying.<p>

I tell myself again and again to move from the middle of the hall.  
>To spring into action, join the fight.<br>Nobody has bothered with me yet; their eyes lock onto me, and leave just as quickly.  
>They see a small, blonde twig in Hufflepuff robes, staring at everything with wide blue eyes. They see me shaking, and they easily dismiss imagine I will run; I am of no threat, and I'm easily disposable if I should become a feet are glued to the floor in fright, and my brain is strangely fuzzy.<br>All I can think is _this is wrong.  
><em>Over and over, a mantra in my head: This is wrong.  
>This is is so wrong, there are no words for it.<p>

Everywhere I look, there are people crying. There are people shouting, people running, people deuling.  
>People dead.<br>The Wizarding World has turned upside down, and nothing makes sense right now.

All this.. All this over what?  
>Over prejudice, over power?<br>The need to win, or the need to take?

The world is bad, and the world is selfish.  
>People use others, and people push others over to get what they want.<br>_Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.*_

Now I force myself to move, urging my legs forward into a run.

I'm running, but I don't know where.  
>I'm seeing, but I don't know how.<p>

A tall figure steps in front of me, and I skid to a halt.  
>I can't recognize the Death Eater's face, but I find that I much prefer it this way.<p>

To see his face would make it much more real.

I withdraw my wand from my pocket, feeling the cool wood in my sweaty palm.  
>The world has gone silent, blood rushing in my ears and blocking out the noise.<p>

The Death Eater seems waiting for me to move; the mask looks as if it's stretched into a horrible, teasing grin.

_You can't do it, _The mask taunted. _You're just a girl. A tiny, scared little girl. You haven't prepared for this, have you? All those years in Defense Against The Dark Years. You thought it was a pointless class. You passed it, yes, but paid it no mind.  
>Now how does it feel now, girl? You stand here in the middle of war, knowing barely any spells.<br>You can't protect yourself, so how do you even expect to protect everyone else? You stand no chance._

I raise my wand, aiming it directly at the masked person's chest.

_Stupefy.  
><em>  
>I think the words, try to say them.<br>My tongue is heavy, and my heart in danger of breaking through my ribs.

Stupefy.

I can't do it; it's too real, too sudden.  
>I was unprepared, and I was frightened.<p>

The Death Eater has run out of patience; he advances on me, brown eyes glowing with a sort of demonic light.

"Stupefy!" I screech; my voice cracks, but the spell goes sailing towards the tall figure.

He blocks it easily, and I dodge the rebound.

I was still afraid.  
>But now there was a new emotion burning through my veins: anger.<p>

I lash out again, and this time Impedimenta skims just past his head.

I felt giddy now with relief: _Did_I stand a chance against him? Would I prevent this man from killing an innocent?

"Petrificus Totalus!" I blurt the first spell that came to my jet of light head straight for the masked face.  
>Relief settles through my bones, because now he is in a full body bind.<p>

Pride swells up within me; I had proved myself. I had overpowered a skilled Death Eater, which was no easy feat, and now I had back was turned to the rest of the fight scene; I didn't even see it coming.

_"Avada Kedavra!"_

I hear it, and spin around quickly, wand already up in a defensive position.

It wasn't quick enough.

It's been a long known myth that your life flashes before your eyes when you die.

In the few seconds until the green light hit me, I look over my short years.

I'm fourteen again, giggling insanely with Lulu as we painted each other's nails, chattering on about Cedric Diggory.

Flash, and I'm six, holding onto my mother's sleeve as she cries.  
>Daddy just left the house, slamming the door behind him with his suitcase in hand, and Momma says he won't be coming back.<p>

Another flash. Now I'm eleven, and I've just received my Hogwarts Letter.  
>Mom says she's happy for me, but I hear the catch in her voice. She's not happy, and she doesn't want to be alone.<p>

I'm sixteen, receiving my first kiss under the mistletoe. Niel's hands are soft on my face, and I feel ready to take off in my own shoes.

Now I'm something so small, I'm unrecognizable.

I morph, spin, fly across clouds.

I'm dizzy; the stars are blinding me, twinkling brightly as I fall through the galaxy.

I come back to the present.

I'm seventeen, and now I'm staring death in the face.

I'm afraid, just like I always said I wouldn't be.

I want to run, but I wouldn't dare.

The spell hits me, and now the world is black.

* * *

><p>My name is Marilena Sears.<p>

I died before I graduated, and I died unhappily.

I died terrified, tear tracks running down my face.

I died on the marble floors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy, silently and quickly.

I didn't die bravely, and I didn't die peacefully.

But I died loyal, and I died trying. Which is the least anyone can do.

**A/N: Don't make fun of me, I wrote this at 1 in the morning. :D I realize it's written a bit strangely, and I repeat words a lot. The whole "I died, I died, I died" thing towards the end… It's done on purpose. I hope it doesn't bother you, I realized when I re-read this that it could potentionally seem a little annoying.  
>*- "<strong>_**Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that." **_**- Part of a quote from Martin Luther King. I love this quote, and it's so true. It doesn't fit **_**perfectly**_**into the story, but I couldn't resist tossing that quote in somewhere.  
>If anyone was wondering, I wrote this song with "<span>On My Way<span>" by Broyce Avenue on replay. The song is actually about a loved one, and how the singer will return to her. But it set me in the mood to write this, so... Ta-da?  
>Read and review. Come on, hit me with your critiques.<br>-fethre.**


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